This is Stan D. Roid, a golem who goes by his nickname, "Standroid." He's a bit of a Coke-head, but he's a stand-up guy. He's a redhead. He's hardcore "metal." He's the D. Roid you're looking for.

Standroid has an interesting resume:

  • From 1970 to 1981, he tried to teach the world to sing — in perfect harmony.

  • In the '80s, he was a professional cyclist. He's cycled before, and he'll cycle again. Recycling is his thing.

  • He recently quit his job as a soda can disposal technician. It was soda pressing.

  • He's currently running for Congress. Stan believes in the little guy. He thinks we should support individual manufacturing.
  • Stan is a Buddhist who believes in re-in-can-ation. He is currently trying to bring his deceased wife back to life.

"Sure, I'll go to Burning Man with y'all. What could possibly go wrong?"



Make an 8-slice can and scissor off the top. Make two angled folds to make each arm and one fold to make each leg. Scissor off the toes at the correct angle so he stands flat.

Fold the head panel forward, then back a few millimeters out, so you can make the neck. Scissor his head into the shape you like and poke out his eyes.

Make the tripod by standing him up, then bending the last panel at a 90-degree angle at the precise point where the tip of the panel will rest on the floor. Cut off the bottom of his feet so they lie flat on the floor.

To make him into a puppet, you'll want to make pushpin holes that can act as pivot points. I suggest placing them in the shoulders and upper thighs for the jumping jack Standroid.

To make the pivot joint, you'll first make a primitive cotter pin (also known as a split pin) by straightening out a staple, then wrapping the center around a nail, and then straightening out the tips. Insert the tips through the pushpin holes and spread out the tips to create the pivot joint.

To make the marching Standroid, you need bending joints. You can use tape for this purpose with a pushpin hole just above the knee.

To make him anatomically correct, make a hole and insert a pop rivet.

It can be fun to put pictures in Standroid's chest, so he's like a Teletubby. To inspire you, I've included a pdf file containing some center images for you to print out. I hope you like them. Be sure to print them at 100% scale in your pdf print settings.

Hello. Do you want to play a game?

Let's play Mayhem! The rules are just like Hangman, except that instead of adding body parts, you snip them off.

Black's Law Dictionary defines the crime of mayhem as, "The act of unlawfully and violently depriving another of the use of such of his members as may render him less able, in fighting, either to defend himself or annoy his adversary. . . . Every person who unlawfully and maliciously deprives a human being of a member of his body, or disables, disfigures, or renders it useless, or cuts or disables the tongue, or puts out an eye, or slits the nose, ear, or lip, is guilty of mayhem. Pen. Code Cal. 5 203."

Life has been tough for this Standroid. She’s a topless dancer who goes by her stage name of “Cherry.”

She was Coked-out at an early age, which led to negative self-esteem so severe that she tattooed the word “Zero” on her leg.

She survives on the generosity of perverts.